Good Grief, Charlie Brown!

Yeah, I know. It's been a while. Lots of exciting things have happened since I last blogged. Too much to go into detail so time for a ...... wait for it .... wait for it ....

Bullet Blog!!!

• My stepdaddy, Papa James, passed away in May after a looooong stay in the hospital.
• Been helping Mama clear up paperwork and get settled into her new life situation.
• We've survived summer and came out on the other side as a normal (hah!) functioning (hah!) family.
• Beach trip was awesome. Jonesing to go back.
• School starts for the boys next Thursday. Liam's going into Kindergarten and Zack into 6th grade.
• School shopping done for the boys. Time for Mommy's wardrobe update now!
• If you'd like to nominate me for "What Not To Wear" I promise I won't be offended. A $5000 shopping spree in New York City with two stylists? I'm there!

I guess that catches you up to speed with our lives. Oh, yeah! I almost forgot! One more bullet:

• I turned 40.

I know, hard to believe, huh? I still feel like a teenager. Except when I get out of bed in the mornings. Then I feel like I'm not a day over 80. Thanks, early onset osteoarthritis. You're a true pal!

Anyway, I'm going to try my best to keep this blog updated so I can at least look back at my life every few months and say, "Man! I'm glad I'm not this chick! Surely she's making some of this stuff up!" Then I'll realize its me and I'll get depressed and head straight to the nearest Kohl's for some retail therapy.

Happy shopping, y'all!
Jayne

Runners World

Someone in this world thinks I run. (snicker) Seriously. Someone, somewhere thinks I run enough to be interested in a subscription to Runners World magazine. (snort)

The last time I ran was ..... lemme see .... waaaaay back last year when hubby and I decided we were going to start running in those ridiculous 3k things. Or 5k. Or Special K. Anyway, but what I did? I wouldn't really call it "running". It was more like speed walking. Kinda like what you do when you've gotta tinkle really, really bad and need to get to the bathroom in a big, big hurry but you know if you bounce around too much it'll all be over.

TMI? Sorry. You know how I am about those things.

Anyway, I keep getting these emails from Runners World magazine wanting me to try a complimentary issue. If I like what I see they'll keep sending it. If not, all I have to do is cancel and we'll just be friends.

If they really knew me, they'd know they were wasting their time! I only run during shoe sales, commercial breaks during Dancing With the Stars and after the occasional wayward 3-year old in my preschool class.

Maybe I should suggest that the people at Runners World send a subscription offer to some of my students!

Facebook Reunion

Have you discovered Facebook yet? If not, please go there right now. Seriously. It's one of my new faves.

I happened across it one day and decided to give it a try and *WHAMMO* I found a group for my old high school. There they were - faces I hadn't seen in years and years! Ok, decades and decades to be honest.

I started reconnecting with old friends and classmates and its funny how we've all basically stayed the same over the years. With the exception of the gray hairs (don't pretend you don't have them under that dye job!), wrinkles (Botox or not, you've got 'em somewhere!), and extra pounds. Well, some of them have extra pounds but not this ol' gal! I'm still just as firm and svelte as I was back in '87!

Have I mentioned that I lie a little bit every now and then? Just warning you.

Anyway, if you haven't Facebook'ed give it a try. You just might refresh some old memories - like that Bon Jovi song "Whoaaaaa! We're halfway they-ya. Whoaaaaaa! Livin' on a pray-ya!" or cruising the DQ after the football game. There's nothing like a trip down memory lane.

Have a great President's Day, y'all!
Jayne

Mama and The List

Ok, so Mama and The List don't actually have anything to do with each other but that's what I'm naming this update and I'm stickin' to it.

Update on Mama - she's out of the hospital and back home, thank God. Still don't know exactly what she had but it was a doozy. She goes back to the doctor Wednesday and maybe they'll have an official name for her ...... whatever it was. For the time being, she's got pretty purple bruises all over her arms from needle sticks and IV's and she's still really weak. But she's home. Thank God.

Now for The List. When I became a Mom I started a mental list of all the phrases I uttered on a daily basis that I never dreamed would flow past these lips. Things like, "Don't pee on the cat," or "It's called fore-skin, not five-skin." Yes. Now you see why I have a list.

Well, today I added another phrase to The List. Ready for it?

"Don't pick your brother's nose."

I lead a sad, strange life.

By the Way, Liam's F-I-V-E Now!!!

Yep, in the midst of all the excitement that happened over the holidays, Liam turned FIVE years old on January 2nd!! Can you believe it? My little Nogginator is five. Seems like just yesterday that I was sending out pregnancy updates, calling them, "The Peanut Project."

He's so grown up now. He's all about dirtbikes and four-wheelers and football and dirt and BB guns (Red Ryder, with a compass in the stock and this thingy which tells time. Quick, name that movie!).

And trucks and dirt and cartoons and hunting bears (in his mind only!) and more dirt and camping and ..... did I mention dirt?

And he's so funny without even trying. Have I ever told you about him "Pulling a Kostanza?"

Remember the tv show "Seinfeld?" Of course you do. Well, the character George Kostanza liked to be unencumbered when he did #2 in the bathroom. Understand what I'm saying? No?

Ok, he liked to strip nekkid when he dropped thunder. Better now?

Anyway, Liam likes to do the same thing. No matter where we are. At home? Perfect. Strip him down and put on cartoons in my bathroom and he's in heaven. Wal-Mart? Drop 'em if you got 'em! He's an equal-opportunity stripper.

No matter how hard we try to convince him otherwise, he insists on being nude when he poos. His college buddies are going to be thrilled aren't they?

Happy Birthday, Lou-Lou! I love you!

I'm Strokin'!

Ok, so Mom didn't have a seizure, it was a stroke instead. A small one, thank God, but it was still a stroke.

Our trip to the neurologist was productive. Her CT scan showed calcification in her brain which makes her a prime candidate for a massive stroke. Guess we should be thankful for the dress rehearsal her body gave us last week, huh?

Anyway, she's had lots of tests and scans already - results should be in today - and more scheduled for next week. Not sure what else they might find but what's there so far is a little scary but at least we know what's going on.

As we drove away from the neurologist's office we were both sort of quiet and careful with what we said to each other. We were both scared and still a little bit in shock. We started talking about what happened to her on New Years Day.

"There y'all were, thinking I was having a seizure when I was really stroking," she said in her sweet, soft Southern drawl.

Then all of a sudden she started laughing and said, "Remember that old Clarence Carter song, 'Strokin'?' That's my new theme song! 'I'm STROKIN'! Strokin' to the East, Strokin' to the West, Strokin' to the one that I love the best!"

Yep, we both almost wet our pants! Thank heavens for Poise pads, eh?

TMI? Sorry. You know I have a problem with that sometimes. I'll keep you all posted.

Princess PeePee Pants

Scare of a Lifetime

Ok, so we didn't make it to Waynesboro to visit Noonie after all. About halfway there, in Vidalia of all places, Mama had a pretty big seizure. (Yes, it was a real seizure, not a "fainting spell" or a bad case of the barfs. A seizure. Look it up, geniuses. Especially those claiming to be intelligent lifeforms.)

Layne remained calm enough to call the EMTs and once she regained consciousness they followed the ambulance to the hospital. When Mama regained consciousness, not Layne. Then again, if you've ever seen Layne drive you'd swear she was out cold.

Long story short, after lots of tests and scans, she's on seizure medication and can't drive until she's been properly evaluated by a neurologist. She got really sick again on the way home but at least it wasn't another seizure.

Hopefully we can get her in to a highly recommended neurologist here on Monday. If he can't see her this week then we're to contact a specialist group in Savannah.

Dellarose, Terry, Hayes and Pat came down to meet us in Vidalia so we were able to send some goodies back with them for Noonie.

Maybe we'll try again in a few weeks? The dust needs to settle from this excitement before we hit the road again.

Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayers. You know what I'm talking about. I owe you big time. Well, I already owed you big time but now its even bigger. I mean, not that it could really get any bigger than it already was but ... well, you know what I mean. Amen.